i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
