i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
