What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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