Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Screwed.edu
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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