this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize