Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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