I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
