she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
