I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
