Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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