I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
