apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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