things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
