I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
