I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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