with your own penis?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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