So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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