allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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