I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
