I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
