Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
