ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
