you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
