I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's blow job season.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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