I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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