His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
