I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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