giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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