Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
