I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
