I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
