you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
