Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
