Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
