yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
