I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
