Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
