i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
