dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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