Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
