She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
