You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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