Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
