no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
