I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
