wanna go halves on a baby?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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