Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
