your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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