i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Let's get the cat blown out
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
