twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
