imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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