If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
