yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
