So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
