didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
