is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
